Dear My Big Sister Kelly’s Big Toes,

I really don’t understand why you want to cause my sister so much distress and pain. I mean I understand that she walks all over you sometimes, but its part of life. People walk on feet. You two big toes always seem to get in the way of my sisters pathway. You blame it on the suitcases, but maybe next time you should be more observant of your surroundings. I mean seriously, why would you grow your toenails to such lengths that they destroy things in their path? Or at least you try to destroy things in your path, but what really happens, is they tear you apart, literally. You two big toes each battled the suitcase, a year a part and lost miserably both times. It started out with you Right Big Toe; you took on that suitcase with your cockiness, and lost your own toenail. Your toenail was your only defense weapon against anything and you lost it somewhere on your battle field, or what I would like to call the carpet. As you waited for your defense weapon to grow back, you thought you would hide undercover with that red paint you placed upon yourself. I never wanted to tell you this, but you looked like a complete idiot. You stuck out like a sore thumb (not trying to compare you to your superior twin or anything) trying to blend in with your other more innocent toes. Months went on and your strength began coming back. Your defense weapon was almost done growing, and you were training for your next battle, when your good friend to the left of you decided to take on the suit case. Left Big Toe, what were you thinking? Did you not see your fellow friend Right Big Toe get destroyed by this object about 7 months back? Your stupidity continues to amaze me and humor me at times. I watch now as you turn blue, and black, and become weaker as each day passes. I wait for the day that your own toenail falls to the battlefield and I await the picture of your progress that I know my sister will be sending me. She feels as if you two inconsiderate Toes have failed her. Think about all the love she has given you from painting you, washing you, and giving you a break when you need it. She even supplies you with the most comfortable socks and shoes. Think about all the pain you have caused her in this past year. I almost forgot about the pain you caused her a couple years back when you decided to try to sprout wings. TOES CANT GROW WINGS, they can only produce ingrown toenails. I believe it was you Left Big Toe, who came up with the idea to grow wings and I do believe it was you Right Big Toe to follow your friends footsteps and try it. I remember my sister not even being able to walk after you two decided to test out your abilities. Well, you failed, and you failed miserably, again. My sister had to get your “wings’’ removed, and suffered a great deal of pain with that surgery. Once again, she was worrying about you two. She soaked you in salts and made sure you two didn’t get infected
You put my sister through a lot, and you don’t deserve to be painted or cared for ever again. I just wanted to tell you that “I know my feet” and they respect me more then anything. As for you, you need to learn to respect my sister and treat her how you would like to be treated. That is all for now, thank you for your time.